If I Had (More Than) a Million Dollars…

Actually, if I had a million dollars, I’d get all panicky about taxes and investing for the future and all, so let’s go with a much larger number.  If I had a hundred million dollars, paid the taxes on that, got a good financial planner, invested most of it for the future and let Matt stop working, THEN here is what I would do.

The first thing I would do would be to look for a large house in our neighborhood.  I’d buy that.  Then I would redecorate it all fancy.  And by fancy, I mean interesting and weird like me, for I am interesting and weird.  There would be an undersea bedroom.  And a jungle bedroom.  I’d put a slide next to the stairs.

This would be the guest house.

(I’d also redecorate our current house, get new floors, get the whole house painted, and have decorators come in.  Actually, to be honest, I’d probably build myself a new house from scratch and also do the same with the awesome guest house.)

Then I would start buying plane tickets for everyone I love to come visit me.  Including all my bloggy friends.  I’d do it in turns, sometimes more than one person at a time, sometimes not.  And I’d probably have to have some people come more than once.

But I would totally make everyone visit me, I like to stay home.

I’d buy my dad that giant ridiculous boat he’s always wanted too, but mainly just for the fun of answering “yes!” and meaning it when he uses it as his first guess when you make him guess his present.

I’d hold the next Blathering in my giant guest house too, for that would be fun. We might have to have a couple different sessions of that too, so I could make sure everyone awesome got to come.

I’d throw away all the plastic organizing bins in my house and replace them with the fancy canvas ones with flowers that I like at Target.  Actually, with my new multimillionaire status, I might even go fancier than Target for my organizing needs.  The ones from Target are pretty though.

I’d open a fancy private school down the street so that I could decorate it exactly how I wanted and hire really good teachers (and pay them what they are actually WORTH) and then send Elizabeth to it.  (You know, when she’s old enough for school and all.)  (I think my school motto would be:  Fancy Private School: Incorporating all the Good Ideas from Waldorf and Montessori and None of the Crazy.)  (And yes, all my students would have to wear adorable little plaid uniforms.)

I’d hire a professional massage person to come over every day.  (See, now don’t you want to come visit me?  I will let you borrow my professional massage person.)

I would have fun buying random things for my friends and hiring them to do stuff for me so they don’t have to work unless they wanted to. (For an example: I’d hire Barb, at full salary and benefits, to talk to me on the phone.  I’d hire Maria to shop for all my clothes.  And I would hire Danifred to take pictures of people with mustaches for me.  I can think of many more examples too, but I don’t want to bore you.)

And then I am sure that I could find lots of other things to spend ridiculous amounts of money on too, but that is a very good start.

Now, you tell me what you would do and if I should put you on the visitors list for when I win this ridiculous amount of money.  I get emails all the time telling me that I have won foreign lotteries, so it is just a matter of time until I rack up enough money to do all these things.