I have been attempting to become a person who runs. I have never been a person who runs.Â Even in high school and middle school, when we had to run in gym class, I would struggle and gasp and pant and feel like I was going to die.
Well, that hasn’t changed.Â However, now I am also dealing with this:
That would be a stroller (non-jogging, I am not willing to spend any money on this until I actually become a person who runs, instead of a person who wheezes), with a pajama-ed baby in it, a dog who doesn’t know how to walk on a leash (oh, I tried, believe me) so wears a pull harness because she may weigh about 1/4 of my weight but she IS stronger than I am, and a two leash system because Elizabeth insists on being the one to hold on to Trin’s leash but cannot be trusted to actually hold on to Trin’s leash.
For some unknown reason, the toddler who adores being outside and going for walks and being pushed fast in her stroller, absolutely despises when I run.Â I think this is because the first time we went jogging (or the first time we “went super fast” according to Elizabeth), we were with some of her friends.Â (A moms group I am in is doing a Couch to 5K, which I joined.Â But I have only managed to run with them once so far.Â The first time.)Â So when we run alone in our neighborhood, she is disappointed that it is only me.Â (I am boring, obviously.)Â So she spends the whole time whining “we neeeeeed to goooooo baaaaack to our hoooouuuuuseeee.”
And she gives me judgmental looks.
Let me discuss something else with you.Â I have a deviated septum in my nose.Â Basically it just means that my nostrils are totally different sizes from each other (I know, you never noticed, did you?) and I really can’t breathe enough through my nose to get adequate oxygen.Â So I am a mouth breather.Â And when I run, I get some kind of weird post nasal drip.Â Which means that I am running along, gagging on my own mucus.Â Yes.Â It is really gross.Â Active gagging too, I’m sure if you saw me, you’d notice.
Anyway, every time I comment on Twitter about what an embarrassing runner I am, someone sends me the link to this picture.
I don’t even have any illusions that I look like that woman at the top.Â Also, that little girl is way cuter than I am when I run.Â She’s not sweating and gasping and turning all red and gagging and coughing. (I still hold out hope, however, that if I stick this out and run more, I will eventually at least feel like the woman at the top.)
Thank goodness my neighborhood is pretty empty in the mornings and I haven’t yet run into anyone I know…