It’s Okay

by HereWeGoAJen on December 14, 2012

I saw a few people on Twitter complaining about people talking about everyday stuff in the aftermath of a tragedy.

After Luke died, I had several people apologize to me for talking about everyday things or complaining about something mundane in my presence before they found out. That’s okay. Firstly, you didn’t know. Who is going to be angry about that? Secondly- life goes on. Even after you knew, I never for a moment expected your life to go on hold. I expected people to still have awful days where they got a flat tire in the rain and lost their wallet. Or even days when their dinner order was wrong and they just really wanted that burrito. I actually think that is one of the most wonderful things about our world. Life goes on. No matter what, someone is having the worst day of their life. But someone else is having the best day. And even when the worst is very, very bad- like today- normal life still has to happen around it.

So if you felt like talking about the awful things that happened today- that’s okay. If you didn’t- well, that’s okay too. If you wanted to count your blessings- great. If you wanted to talk about nothing very important at all- well, that’s great too. It’s okay.

There is something little that I do every day. Whenever I hear an emergency siren, I take a brief moment to think about and pray for that family that is probably having one of the worst days of their lives. Because someone is.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s okay. Whatever you do to make yourself feel a little bit better is okay. I won’t judge you if you want to talk about it. I won’t judge you if you don’t want to talk about it. Frankly, I fall in the second category. I want to cling to whatever normal I can and pretend that these things don’t happen. That’s okay.

{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Susie December 14, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Thanks for this, Jen.

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KeAnne December 14, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Thank you. You are an amazing person & this perspective is…healing and freeing.

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Julie December 14, 2012 at 7:05 pm

That’s exactly it. Thanks, Jen.

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Jen December 14, 2012 at 7:19 pm

All of my thoughts. Thank you. Yes.

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Jesabes December 14, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Thank you, Jen. I lean towards the second category, too. I cling to the fact that my life does go on, in it’s tiniest details, even as I’m very sad others’ lives have changed forever.

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A'Dell December 14, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Oh, Jen. This is just what I wanted and needed to read. Thank you.

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Melissa December 14, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Applauds! Thank you Jen! I could not agree more. I too always stop and think of the people having the worst day of their life whenever I hear sirens. I am a cops daughter, I also think of those people who are helping and trying to stop the worst day of their life from happening. There is always someone helping to stop the madness in tragedy.

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holly December 14, 2012 at 9:22 pm

It’s okay. Exactly.

My Mom, Sister and I pray for the siren families too.

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Anonymouse December 14, 2012 at 9:33 pm

This is good.

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Elizabeth December 15, 2012 at 12:45 am

I just wanted to tell you I’m just crazy about you. Thank you, Jen.

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Margie December 15, 2012 at 9:46 am

It just gets to be too much, when it’s the only thing on TV all day long, the only thing on NPR, all over Facebook. It’s not that I don’t care, of course I do! But yesterday was also a happy day for our family; our daughter (and youngest child) graduated from college. I wanted — needed — something happy to think about, too.

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Hillary December 15, 2012 at 2:22 pm

You’re an awfully lovely woman, Jen.

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Michelle December 15, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Yes. I agree. Less judgment would be very helpful for everyone.

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Elsha December 16, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Yes, so well said. Thank you.

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Cece December 16, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Me too. I’m staying away from Facebook for a bit too

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Rita Arens December 17, 2012 at 10:15 am

I, too, am a siren prayer.

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leanne December 17, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Yes. Everyone copes in their own way.

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Danifred December 20, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Lovely thoughts and right on target.

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Em January 1, 2014 at 1:01 pm

Thank you a million times over for this post. This stuff isn’t said enough. Usually in the ALI community, we’re complaining about the insensitivity and ignorance of the rest of the world. I love that you took another route. So glad to have found you through the Creme.

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Erika B. January 1, 2014 at 7:45 pm

This is such a good perspective. I’m great at allowing myself to grieve/think about it/not think about it as much as I like…I’m not always so great at extending that grace to others, though. Thanks for a healthy reminder.

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Jamie January 1, 2014 at 8:25 pm

Lovely post. I pray each time I hear sirens, too.

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Mevsinfertility January 7, 2014 at 7:34 pm

I found this post through the Creme. Thank you for providing this perspective. I needed to see it. Best wishes to you.

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